It seem now a days that most of the "political" books that appear in bookstore, feature people looking to get their memoirs, autobiography, or unauthorized biography out to the world stage. Normally these books pop up when someone is trying to run for public office, wants to show off how wickedly smart and witty they are, or are trying to change their public image. And for the most part these stories are the same, cookie-cutter story, to the point you could make a drinking game out of it (and trust me I have, I have gone through many bottles of vodka while reading Nelson Mandela's autobiography). Here are a few of the required must-haves that appear in almost every single book:
- Parents are ecstatic and elated the day I was born. (Apparently this story wouldn't sound right if my mother was crying from the pain of having some huge baby rip her bottom half beyond recognition or my dad cursing the Lord above that his bachelor days are officially over. Ahh the joys of childbirth).
- I grew up in a hard neighborhood or my family was seen as an outcast in the neighborhood (Most of the time, the author will somehow turn the suburb streets of New Haven, CT to the mean streets of Watts, CA. It must have been a bitch when the local water polo club would not let you enter because you bought your clothes from the Sports Authority.)
- Faced adversity (Ahhh tough decisions...should I go for the Bentley or the Jaguar. Life is so unfair. Any episode of MTV's Sweet 16 will give you an idea what type of harsh adversity these young girls must go through everyday in order to survive. Makes the suffering in Dafur look like a carnival ride.)
- Overcame addiction (It seems anyone who has a story to tell has the same addiction, drugs, or alcohol. Which for some reason is never looked down upon. I mean both of them can wreck the body and potentially lead to death by overdose. However, if someone where to mention they have a sex addiction they are looked upon like they have leperesy. When was the last time you know someone OD'ing on sex? Exactly! )
- Act of heroism (Standing up to a bully, saving a platoon during a war and even standing up to a huge corporation. Those are huge acts of heroisms. Winning a game of Stratego against my sister, playing basketball in a busy street and living on your own for the first time...not so much).
- Found my calling through religion (Just when you need to run for office or clean up your image, you conveniently find God. Picking the most popular religion in your area is liking playing a game of Family Feud. You have three chances to pick the right one or it is game over.)
- Got rich and/or became successful because I never gave up (We rather read a story about someone who is just like us, that somehow rose above the muck and reached the American dream. I mean who wants to read a book by someone who was born into money telling us what we need to do to get rich. Ha, I mean that is just ridiculous!)
- Writing a book (Nothing like reading an entire book from cover to cover. Then when you get to the end, realizing you are no more wiser than when you started).
The one thing I quite dislike about these types of books is that someone is selling their life-story, just to make a quick buck/dollar. Now I am not saying that there are some legitimate books out there, that offer a story that can uplift a person to do great things. I know there are and they are great books. They do offer a story of someone coming from the bottom to rise to the top and be successful in life. But those stories usually get drowned out, by people who have no business writing a book.
I often wonder what if I were to write a book. A book that was basically one part true, one part fabrication. The ultimate story of how a young kid grew up in the mean streets of Newark (well technically Elizabeth) to rise above the muck and become a blogger on his own site, with what appears to be one follower. I can hear the masses chanting my name!
